Theatrical maniac getting off on your petty laugh,
a moment of truth for the defining epitaph.
Pulse is hastening as you begin to react,
blood thick in your veins keeps you closer to a heart attack.
The act put forth was impressive to say the least.
Cat covered in a turtle neck made of fleece,
released to seek out and defeat just to eat.
Every dollar spent is just another form of release,
a steady deflation of the creation of internal conspiracies.
Broke wallet,
broken mind.
Got to force myself to rhyme,
and before it was fine but now I'm tired of being in time.
I'd rather smoke through a dime,
and forget about my tummy and the worry for a while.
Smile to myself as my dreams get wild.
Back to whatever statements were being made.
Something about a person,
something about a blade.
Sequentially the whole thing turned out just as it should've.
Someone's heart got ripped out cause they were all about the 'would've'.
Could've been there to share,
that those fears were asking for your bus fare.
Rocking and stomping you square,
dead demonic astrological stare.
Once again, you could've turned the music up until they could hear it blare.
Caste them out of this horrible nightmare,
no one but you is really needed there.
---
Now, how about that pocket full of gossip that you brought up?
No one's really saying this shit ain't smart,
but I'll be damned if I won't pour out a full cup,
just to plaster up the holes from all the times the ceiling fell apart.
---
Where from here?
Re-occurring fear of being near the decedent of decadence,
abashed from all the years in the under glow of excellence.
Pipe smoke,
you'd hope a man who values precedence,
can suffocate the brain and let the mind choke.
Coming up from a place filled with cold beer and kind folk,
never really understood the benevolence,
of people never waiting for the punchline of the joke.
Poked holes through the ceilings, floors and walls,
to keep the restraints secured when I fall into the thrall of it all.
Discretion is advised once you switch sides.
Rid yourself of lies, fuck ups and cut ties.
Expand the palm of your hand,
now wrap it in those grape vines,
maybe I'll explain it in a way that you can understand,
I broke shit up and took mine.
It's probably about now you did the same before you're dangling by a line.
Refined lyrical divine,
testing your memory and patience with empirical signs.
If you coincide with the quality of the bars you tend to spit,
might as well throw down my mitt,
fucking give up on this shit.
Okay?
No more no good dewy eyed baby,
frowning like a hazy sad clown,
shit made me lazy.
Time to take the notch up one or two,
or maybe I'm just crazy?
I've got stuff to do,
but I've been loving spending time with you.
That tough act, gunslinger rough neck attitude,
is brought down a few,
once you find yourself getting rowdy about what's calling to say boo.
Shoot, like that wasn't the type of shit dreams are made of.
At least in a fantasy we are just what we made up.
Parallel cell confinement,
suspended loft,
you may never cross each other but your symmetry won't ever be off.
You share a bond of destiny,
those things never go soft.
Rock hard bonds like that are hard to find if they ever get lost.
So never just toss away a perfectly good thing just cause it's broken,
if it holds meaning keep it as a beacon,
a token,
of all the things you got to hold inside your hand and watch open.
---
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
My head is not properly filtrated.
Overwhelm the self sufficient face from the onward.
Salty cheeks,
thick heat in between the benefits that've been reaped.
Sheeped,
peaked,
high on a hassle free street.
Creep,
chip, chip, wobble and slip,
flip over the rock piece to find a rattle from the snakes that spent your time.
Blind from the venomous lips,
soaked the eyelids thick with the virus of terminally wishing for kindness.
Blanket expression,
coping with a physical oppression.
Smoldering skin swaps the words that lips drop.
Dropped.
Forgot what happened to the burn in the fire.
Someone now a days finds himself a bit quick to retire.
He's not a liar,
but her figure hasn't really even changed.
In fact he's sure that yesterday her ass was fatter than he'd ever claimed.
But it seems he can't feel the lite flame,
stunting on stuttering proclamations of the lame.
Sore,
sick,
stubborn,
but not a walker.
Perhaps it be better if I put forth a better offer.
But what's better than a tongue that likes to wander,
and a partner who can tell when your mind is gonna collapse and falter?
Maybe if I could pig squelch,
had infinite wealth,
could create a work of art without feeling sorry for myself,
take photos of things I'll never truly ever understand,
or listen to an odd genre or a hardly heard of band.
Instead I tend to sit in the sand,
get up and stand for my biggest fan.
Nothingness.
Yeah, we've had some times and most of them were grand.
Never had a complaint about that absent state.
My hands are cramped from days 27 out of 28.
And goddamnit, I'm only 19 with some time I'd still like to waste.
Get spaced,
dance around and trash the whole place!
Now my fingers are the only ones sending blood to my face.
And I've heard every excuse before,
but what's that look?
Was that mace?
The call ended before you even said goodbye.
It's been exactly 7 months since you last had to hear me cry.
But why pry open the legs you felt the need to grope,
when we were tolkin,
coping with the stars tangled in the rope.
Your eyes don't lie, they only seek bliss.
Your tones don't change, they only leave tips.
And I hear you calling my name, but it only gives me an itch to dip,
and say "Fuck everyone and all of this shit."
Salty cheeks,
thick heat in between the benefits that've been reaped.
Sheeped,
peaked,
high on a hassle free street.
Creep,
chip, chip, wobble and slip,
flip over the rock piece to find a rattle from the snakes that spent your time.
Blind from the venomous lips,
soaked the eyelids thick with the virus of terminally wishing for kindness.
Blanket expression,
coping with a physical oppression.
Smoldering skin swaps the words that lips drop.
Dropped.
Forgot what happened to the burn in the fire.
Someone now a days finds himself a bit quick to retire.
He's not a liar,
but her figure hasn't really even changed.
In fact he's sure that yesterday her ass was fatter than he'd ever claimed.
But it seems he can't feel the lite flame,
stunting on stuttering proclamations of the lame.
Sore,
sick,
stubborn,
but not a walker.
Perhaps it be better if I put forth a better offer.
But what's better than a tongue that likes to wander,
and a partner who can tell when your mind is gonna collapse and falter?
Maybe if I could pig squelch,
had infinite wealth,
could create a work of art without feeling sorry for myself,
take photos of things I'll never truly ever understand,
or listen to an odd genre or a hardly heard of band.
Instead I tend to sit in the sand,
get up and stand for my biggest fan.
Nothingness.
Yeah, we've had some times and most of them were grand.
Never had a complaint about that absent state.
My hands are cramped from days 27 out of 28.
And goddamnit, I'm only 19 with some time I'd still like to waste.
Get spaced,
dance around and trash the whole place!
Now my fingers are the only ones sending blood to my face.
And I've heard every excuse before,
but what's that look?
Was that mace?
The call ended before you even said goodbye.
It's been exactly 7 months since you last had to hear me cry.
But why pry open the legs you felt the need to grope,
when we were tolkin,
coping with the stars tangled in the rope.
Your eyes don't lie, they only seek bliss.
Your tones don't change, they only leave tips.
And I hear you calling my name, but it only gives me an itch to dip,
and say "Fuck everyone and all of this shit."
Thursday, March 28, 2013
whut
Stumbling on ashes,
gray goblin antics.
Faces fast, grin's quick to smack,
lash out,
call it 'romantics'.
Locked in illusion.
Felt safer in a public system or institution.
Got lost between one little and indie rap.
My headphones were misplaced,
and so was my backpack.
Then every now and again I wonder why I lose the race.
---
What's a word if I can't say it?
Man, these rules are so updated,
instated and replicated to the point where we're sedated.
In all honesty 'water pipe' just delays it,
yeah,
the fact that we're all faded.
swarms of smoke can't be debated.
Let it be stated,
that I'm talking about the blue dreams,
seers of beings that exist within our own seams.
remedies,
herbal mixtures of smooth pollen coated elixir.
fixer of any aliment,
headache to emotional malcontent.
And then you wonder why the man says they can't find a cure.
Instead of giving you what's pure,
they pollute the veins in the arms we use to salute the horseman's reigns.
They're making way more money off the sickness,
than they will ending the war.
Taking dollars off your interest,
making room in waiting rooms,
checking off who they'll ignore,
so we'll infest and swarm,
screaming,
pleading for more.
It's a tumor.
It's a growth.
It's a rumor.
It's remote.
No one's even heard it before and the bill's already wrote.
There's no end for the source,
but your pockets already broke.
They're taking your time and your money,
they must be waiting for you to croak.
Soak your head for minute.
Sit back relax and sip it,
spit it out,
verbal annihilation,
a sort of vacation,
or maybe you should just stick to the vocational meditation.
Maybe pick up a habit or two to mix up the mood.
Get the blood flowing.
Man,
it must be good to be you.
---
aldfjlskdjflsdfjsdf
gray goblin antics.
Faces fast, grin's quick to smack,
lash out,
call it 'romantics'.
Locked in illusion.
Felt safer in a public system or institution.
Got lost between one little and indie rap.
My headphones were misplaced,
and so was my backpack.
Then every now and again I wonder why I lose the race.
---
What's a word if I can't say it?
Man, these rules are so updated,
instated and replicated to the point where we're sedated.
In all honesty 'water pipe' just delays it,
yeah,
the fact that we're all faded.
swarms of smoke can't be debated.
Let it be stated,
that I'm talking about the blue dreams,
seers of beings that exist within our own seams.
remedies,
herbal mixtures of smooth pollen coated elixir.
fixer of any aliment,
headache to emotional malcontent.
And then you wonder why the man says they can't find a cure.
Instead of giving you what's pure,
they pollute the veins in the arms we use to salute the horseman's reigns.
They're making way more money off the sickness,
than they will ending the war.
Taking dollars off your interest,
making room in waiting rooms,
checking off who they'll ignore,
so we'll infest and swarm,
screaming,
pleading for more.
It's a tumor.
It's a growth.
It's a rumor.
It's remote.
No one's even heard it before and the bill's already wrote.
There's no end for the source,
but your pockets already broke.
They're taking your time and your money,
they must be waiting for you to croak.
Soak your head for minute.
Sit back relax and sip it,
spit it out,
verbal annihilation,
a sort of vacation,
or maybe you should just stick to the vocational meditation.
Maybe pick up a habit or two to mix up the mood.
Get the blood flowing.
Man,
it must be good to be you.
---
aldfjlskdjflsdfjsdf
矛盾
I can't tell if I've ever liked people or not.
Not since...
...ever, really.
事故
プレイファウル
死
They always felt it correct to treat me as if I were different from them.
So, like they said to, I distanced myself from them.
To go be different alone.
純度
罰
せずに
It was almost like, separating myself from them...made it alright that they didn't like me.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion, I was terribly wrong.
不安
神経衰弱
破壊
It was all a game to see who would fall for the trap first.
They picked me off first round.
欺瞞
実現
消滅
Who's to say, they won't do the same to you.
Not since...
...ever, really.
事故
プレイファウル
死
They always felt it correct to treat me as if I were different from them.
So, like they said to, I distanced myself from them.
To go be different alone.
純度
罰
せずに
It was almost like, separating myself from them...made it alright that they didn't like me.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion, I was terribly wrong.
不安
神経衰弱
破壊
It was all a game to see who would fall for the trap first.
They picked me off first round.
欺瞞
実現
消滅
Who's to say, they won't do the same to you.
Benign
Sometimes, I stumble upon things from my past being contradicted by a new concept just trying to better my future. I feel the arrogance pour and fill up inside my stomach then flare up into my chest. It burned but the not in a painful way, as I would have earlier perceived. It was indeed a more delightful experience. If I were to look at myself right now, in this deep moment of determination, I would see nothing but a wary smile and eyes dull, with deception locked deep inside.
When you're in these moments, you realize you have plenty of strength to deal with something.
Yeah.
You have all the strength you could ever possibly need to take down any obstacle you've ever faced! Or ever will face!
Yeah...
That's only if you can grasp it though. Once you start the fire you need to learn to control it. Let it get out of hand and you yourself are getting dealt a new hand. That's always why I'm conscious when I make my moves.
Then again, recently...I have been very careless.
Although my hand is looking good, definitely moving in directions that are favorable. Still, I'm letting the fire move as it's own entity. And as we all know about our beloved flame, is that it's quite unpredictable.
When you're in these moments, you realize you have plenty of strength to deal with something.
Yeah.
You have all the strength you could ever possibly need to take down any obstacle you've ever faced! Or ever will face!
Yeah...
That's only if you can grasp it though. Once you start the fire you need to learn to control it. Let it get out of hand and you yourself are getting dealt a new hand. That's always why I'm conscious when I make my moves.
Then again, recently...I have been very careless.
Although my hand is looking good, definitely moving in directions that are favorable. Still, I'm letting the fire move as it's own entity. And as we all know about our beloved flame, is that it's quite unpredictable.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Well, today already sucks.
Bra on the chest,
sparkle glitter on the collar bone,
rocking down the street like she ain't got no other kinda home.
Ripped up, torn out, blows steam off of the microphone, and when's she's alone,
you can bet your diamonds and jewels she's all about sigh and moan.
Take it two seconds before she made the better scorn,
sizzling skin, bubbling, broiling from the source.
the heat immaculate to that of the devil's definition,
and hopes are swimming,
in a fire pool she made to play in.
---
FUCK coffee, the chemicals can only make your knees hurt,
or teeth look like dirt,
it's all about the astroturf.
Excuse me, may I bother you for another line?
Of what's that, sugar?
Well yeah that sounds just fine.
---
Where the fuck am I today?
Literally woke up about twenty minutes ago to a pile of some semen like substance all over the floor in my living room. Yeah, and it was brown with what appeared to be little chunks of bacon. Don't even fucking wonder about it, I've long given up the use of pondering. These people don't really...live in reality. Their house is just a nesting/hoarding ground they fill with garbage and...well, things very similar to the bacon brown cum. And it's been much worse on more than one occasion.
So, lately instead of over working myself to the point where I rip my skin off my own body, I've decided to smoke so much pot that I don't even have to think.
Therefore I don't worry about the condition of the house.
Therefore I live IN A FUCKING SHITHOLE.
I'm seriously losing my mind over this. Every time I get it scrubbed down and clean it takes them ten minutes to send it into chaos again.
I never want kids. Especially not a boy. God forbid, I live with three older ones now. They never really change.
sparkle glitter on the collar bone,
rocking down the street like she ain't got no other kinda home.
Ripped up, torn out, blows steam off of the microphone, and when's she's alone,
you can bet your diamonds and jewels she's all about sigh and moan.
Take it two seconds before she made the better scorn,
sizzling skin, bubbling, broiling from the source.
the heat immaculate to that of the devil's definition,
and hopes are swimming,
in a fire pool she made to play in.
---
FUCK coffee, the chemicals can only make your knees hurt,
or teeth look like dirt,
it's all about the astroturf.
Excuse me, may I bother you for another line?
Of what's that, sugar?
Well yeah that sounds just fine.
---
Where the fuck am I today?
Literally woke up about twenty minutes ago to a pile of some semen like substance all over the floor in my living room. Yeah, and it was brown with what appeared to be little chunks of bacon. Don't even fucking wonder about it, I've long given up the use of pondering. These people don't really...live in reality. Their house is just a nesting/hoarding ground they fill with garbage and...well, things very similar to the bacon brown cum. And it's been much worse on more than one occasion.
So, lately instead of over working myself to the point where I rip my skin off my own body, I've decided to smoke so much pot that I don't even have to think.
Therefore I don't worry about the condition of the house.
Therefore I live IN A FUCKING SHITHOLE.
I'm seriously losing my mind over this. Every time I get it scrubbed down and clean it takes them ten minutes to send it into chaos again.
I never want kids. Especially not a boy. God forbid, I live with three older ones now. They never really change.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Foggy Smoke Brain. Blugh.
The scent of crisp mornings somewhere far from the muck of what I called life at that very moment. This place was fresh and different, filled with people who didn't find me strange, or at least, stranger than most other people. Well, even if those people didn't particularly like me (although, I'm very sure that isn't the case) the times we shared were something that comes back to me through scents and snow. Through ferns and acres of trees. Through faces that still smile the same after what seems like forever. Even the taste of certain tobacco gets me in a weird fluster just from the flash of a previous moment.
I admire the body because it contains little things that keep you from forgetting the things that make you smile. At least, if you can find some pleasure in the little things I suppose. Huh, but who am I to say anything?
--
I admire the body because it contains little things that keep you from forgetting the things that make you smile. At least, if you can find some pleasure in the little things I suppose. Huh, but who am I to say anything?
--
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Sometimes we think we're going somewhere and then we actually aren't going anywhere, really.
Fixation on the inner city living,
a big tree giving,
and little tiny birds and furry animals consuming,
unforgiving,
gluttonous villans stuffing their face with creamy filling.
---
Oxygen mask lifestyle, shades the way with a nice smile.
Looks good dripping wet in a 1000% cotten-blend natural white towel.
Let's get to the point,
but really is there even a point?
I think that I forgot it.
--
The spectrum of light shifting through curved glass.
Never really understood how to make the time last.
Might pass, up an opportunity or two just for the giggles.
Guess I never grew up, or reverted for room to wiggle.
Exposure to the light will only burn your fucking retina.
It's better if you shut the curtains tight and prepare for the social enema.
-
Booty hole.
a big tree giving,
and little tiny birds and furry animals consuming,
unforgiving,
gluttonous villans stuffing their face with creamy filling.
---
Oxygen mask lifestyle, shades the way with a nice smile.
Looks good dripping wet in a 1000% cotten-blend natural white towel.
Let's get to the point,
but really is there even a point?
I think that I forgot it.
--
The spectrum of light shifting through curved glass.
Never really understood how to make the time last.
Might pass, up an opportunity or two just for the giggles.
Guess I never grew up, or reverted for room to wiggle.
Exposure to the light will only burn your fucking retina.
It's better if you shut the curtains tight and prepare for the social enema.
-
Booty hole.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Looming Loomers and Lazy Passion
Tired of the nonsense,
dead asleep from the punch of the narcotic,
I should've stopped myself when my heart spoke instead of logic.
No, right now I'm busy,
we'll argue about this later.
The familiar scent and flavor of the woman you once savored,
has soured.
Bitter beyond utter recognition,
on a mission to try and compensate for all the time she's missin'.
So,
lately I've been thinking of greener waters.
Not this fake marriage with cats for sons and daughters.
With a kiss and I love you but an always blank stare.
You endeavored to ignite the torch,
instead you light flares,
watch pop off, spark and there,
you have it,
a temporary glimpse of your triumph,
then back to darkness, black enough to wipe away the glares.
I asked you once to love me and you gladly took the dare.
With a smile and a nod you walked off on thin air.
---
Godly demeanor,
with hardly the time to give it up,
seems like the priority of 'me''s turned from full to half a cup.
Fuck it,
if I'd known I'd be doing nothing now,
I would've ditched the smiles just to wear my old frown.
Yeah, boy you got me down.
Self esteem is getting antsy.
The xanax I've been eating ain't doing nothin' fancy.
Trancey, spaced out and half hearted you can be,
I can't find myself truly wanting to be free.
Rid of it?
No,
I've got too much in tow,
now there's nothing left to hold but he's still holding me even though,
he's probably just as sick of it.
Damn.
I'm tired of existing, where's my hearse?
I called, the said thirty minutes.
It's been nineteen years since that phone call,
and the money got spent with no chance of being reimbursed.
--
dead asleep from the punch of the narcotic,
I should've stopped myself when my heart spoke instead of logic.
No, right now I'm busy,
we'll argue about this later.
The familiar scent and flavor of the woman you once savored,
has soured.
Bitter beyond utter recognition,
on a mission to try and compensate for all the time she's missin'.
So,
lately I've been thinking of greener waters.
Not this fake marriage with cats for sons and daughters.
With a kiss and I love you but an always blank stare.
You endeavored to ignite the torch,
instead you light flares,
watch pop off, spark and there,
you have it,
a temporary glimpse of your triumph,
then back to darkness, black enough to wipe away the glares.
I asked you once to love me and you gladly took the dare.
With a smile and a nod you walked off on thin air.
---
Godly demeanor,
with hardly the time to give it up,
seems like the priority of 'me''s turned from full to half a cup.
Fuck it,
if I'd known I'd be doing nothing now,
I would've ditched the smiles just to wear my old frown.
Yeah, boy you got me down.
Self esteem is getting antsy.
The xanax I've been eating ain't doing nothin' fancy.
Trancey, spaced out and half hearted you can be,
I can't find myself truly wanting to be free.
Rid of it?
No,
I've got too much in tow,
now there's nothing left to hold but he's still holding me even though,
he's probably just as sick of it.
Damn.
I'm tired of existing, where's my hearse?
I called, the said thirty minutes.
It's been nineteen years since that phone call,
and the money got spent with no chance of being reimbursed.
--
Friday, March 1, 2013
"Maybe to be powerful is to be fragile."
I am alone. It is light, a perfectly natural light. Everything's a clear never ending beige, glowing, euphoric. The air is warm and moist.
This is the place souls come to find peace. The place you can successfully conform to the nothingness of existence. The pure essence of being.
Just that alone.
Just yourself.
Alone.
I move my foot so slightly from it's resting position and as I lay to rest it back on the floor it's consistency changes to that of wet paint. My toes dip in slightly, adhering to my skin in a translucent coat, blending and managing to erase the outlines of my form. Soon enough, my balance gave and the smear of burgundy enter my serene room of human pigment.It was small but very obvious. It was a sore spot blaring it's hate throughout my comfort. I moved the run away from it and yet again the floor changed, pulling me in. Instinctual, I thrashed in the thick liquid attempting to keep myself from succumbing to the will of death. But alas, that color just mixed and muted my soft wool walls. My soft serenity.
Panic faded, my wits came back with every doubt and sorrow at hand. Everything was stained a mulled red. Old, worn, uncomfortable. Perhaps it could be described as an apple covered in a fine layer of dust. Left for too long, but not long enough to decay.
It overwhelmed my sense.
The floor was a pool of this despair.
After wading for only a moment to realize not a speck of the rooms natural pigment was left, I withdrew my muscles from moving and allowed the thick substance to swallow my figure till it no longer existed.
At least, not in a way the eye can see.
---
For years, the world as all the same. Just people coming and going, in and out of existence like it was no tomorrow! But now, everything's changed...
---
Good morning sunshine.
Tell me a story?
An echo of a distant memory, tremors of earth keep sanity at bay. Wait, at bay? I'm on water now, floating off to a distant island of..should it be sorrow or wealth? Or lustful pirates looking to steal fair maidens from their watery graves-no, wait. It's about an islander nation living like savages they take in the weary modern day gal and turn her in to a warrioress! But wait! Does she fall in love with a handsome warrior with 6 giant lizard kills? No, she may love him for some time and have sexual intercourse with him many other times and perhaps in some weird places like a cave or whatever but no, no, no, my dearest reader NO! For Good Lord Jesus's sake, would you assume I'd be so shallow?
OF COURSE, she was dreaming of a man she once met in a bar late at night. He was odd, wearing strange suspenders and a monocle thought he was clearly her age which meant young enough to not have such terrible vision in one eye, although once she saw him with an even stranger pair of eye wear that certainly was not for the correction any sort of medical condition.
Yes, although she was overwhelmed with her strong, devilish, and handsome war hero, she desperately craved that strange gentleman from her nights on the town. Civilization just seemed as if it would be too much effort if she tried into it again. Besides, it was easier to hunt and eat and fuck away her days as if there were no such thing as priorities.
Besides all that she was rescued eventually by a merchant ship that lost course. She ended up back wherever she happened to be from and ended up with the sap with the strange monocle.
And now, I'm swimming in the deep pool of space.
---
Sometimes words just mean what they mean and that's all.
But to place words in a way that have meaning, well, that's indeed a whole 'nother story. Sadly, the capacity of brain power you'd need to maintain in order to logically and sensibly create something of that nature, well, aha, that is truly a task.
Lately, I've been living inside of a fantasy, consisting of it's notable characters,all taken directly from the quilt sewn from the breaths of my life. I just fiddle around in there. We eat snacks and tell stories, do all the things we would normally do and sleep and chat and screw around. Clouds of smoke, plentiful drink, good laughter and endless food. I could live in there forever, and honestly, death doesn't always sound so awful. Then again, the truth of the matter is those people do really exist, still, and I must spend time with them whilst they tend to exist around where I exist. That's how it's supposed to be.
I'm really just too scared of everyone now.
You all terrify me to bits and pieces, piles of mushy substance on the hardwood floor. I can hardly wrap my tongue around words and mutter them for your sakes to seem sane enough to stand near.
It's pathetic, and makes me look more nervous than I really am because I'm truly more confident than ever. I am almost nearly 100% me. It's almost all figured out. Puzzle almost solved....
But that bit about socializing.
I've fallen in some pits again it seems.
Out of the races and into the...
something.
G'night.
This is the place souls come to find peace. The place you can successfully conform to the nothingness of existence. The pure essence of being.
Just that alone.
Just yourself.
Alone.
I move my foot so slightly from it's resting position and as I lay to rest it back on the floor it's consistency changes to that of wet paint. My toes dip in slightly, adhering to my skin in a translucent coat, blending and managing to erase the outlines of my form. Soon enough, my balance gave and the smear of burgundy enter my serene room of human pigment.It was small but very obvious. It was a sore spot blaring it's hate throughout my comfort. I moved the run away from it and yet again the floor changed, pulling me in. Instinctual, I thrashed in the thick liquid attempting to keep myself from succumbing to the will of death. But alas, that color just mixed and muted my soft wool walls. My soft serenity.
Panic faded, my wits came back with every doubt and sorrow at hand. Everything was stained a mulled red. Old, worn, uncomfortable. Perhaps it could be described as an apple covered in a fine layer of dust. Left for too long, but not long enough to decay.
It overwhelmed my sense.
The floor was a pool of this despair.
After wading for only a moment to realize not a speck of the rooms natural pigment was left, I withdrew my muscles from moving and allowed the thick substance to swallow my figure till it no longer existed.
At least, not in a way the eye can see.
---
For years, the world as all the same. Just people coming and going, in and out of existence like it was no tomorrow! But now, everything's changed...
---
Good morning sunshine.
Tell me a story?
An echo of a distant memory, tremors of earth keep sanity at bay. Wait, at bay? I'm on water now, floating off to a distant island of..should it be sorrow or wealth? Or lustful pirates looking to steal fair maidens from their watery graves-no, wait. It's about an islander nation living like savages they take in the weary modern day gal and turn her in to a warrioress! But wait! Does she fall in love with a handsome warrior with 6 giant lizard kills? No, she may love him for some time and have sexual intercourse with him many other times and perhaps in some weird places like a cave or whatever but no, no, no, my dearest reader NO! For Good Lord Jesus's sake, would you assume I'd be so shallow?
OF COURSE, she was dreaming of a man she once met in a bar late at night. He was odd, wearing strange suspenders and a monocle thought he was clearly her age which meant young enough to not have such terrible vision in one eye, although once she saw him with an even stranger pair of eye wear that certainly was not for the correction any sort of medical condition.
Yes, although she was overwhelmed with her strong, devilish, and handsome war hero, she desperately craved that strange gentleman from her nights on the town. Civilization just seemed as if it would be too much effort if she tried into it again. Besides, it was easier to hunt and eat and fuck away her days as if there were no such thing as priorities.
Besides all that she was rescued eventually by a merchant ship that lost course. She ended up back wherever she happened to be from and ended up with the sap with the strange monocle.
And now, I'm swimming in the deep pool of space.
---
Sometimes words just mean what they mean and that's all.
But to place words in a way that have meaning, well, that's indeed a whole 'nother story. Sadly, the capacity of brain power you'd need to maintain in order to logically and sensibly create something of that nature, well, aha, that is truly a task.
Lately, I've been living inside of a fantasy, consisting of it's notable characters,all taken directly from the quilt sewn from the breaths of my life. I just fiddle around in there. We eat snacks and tell stories, do all the things we would normally do and sleep and chat and screw around. Clouds of smoke, plentiful drink, good laughter and endless food. I could live in there forever, and honestly, death doesn't always sound so awful. Then again, the truth of the matter is those people do really exist, still, and I must spend time with them whilst they tend to exist around where I exist. That's how it's supposed to be.
I'm really just too scared of everyone now.
You all terrify me to bits and pieces, piles of mushy substance on the hardwood floor. I can hardly wrap my tongue around words and mutter them for your sakes to seem sane enough to stand near.
It's pathetic, and makes me look more nervous than I really am because I'm truly more confident than ever. I am almost nearly 100% me. It's almost all figured out. Puzzle almost solved....
But that bit about socializing.
I've fallen in some pits again it seems.
Out of the races and into the...
something.
G'night.
Anyway...
White noise,
poised neat and tidy for the critiques.
Bat an eyelash, finger nails polished, wing tips,
glossy lips,
lush shadow up on the eyelids.
It takes twenty minutes,
but it's worth the stares from the blind kids.
Winding up their throwing arm to try and hit the targets.
Harshness,
it took me too damn long to feel this good.
To take the notch up to 'suburban' white girl,
rather than one that's from the hood.
Keep your compliments to yourself,
please,
I've got enough self wealth to make the margin,
of the hardened mommy baby making martians.
Tarnished women looking for a one bedroom apartment.
Because men went shopping for a gal but in the wrong department.
Fuck you,
yeah I'm not the girl you used to drool over,
creating a pool of pathetic around your four leaf clover.
Seems like everyone wants to tell me how the fuck I'm s'posed to be,
but I'm free, and my happiness is all you get to see.
---
A message written in sore sympathy,
a mystery within the dusted pages of our history.
Jump high, stoop low,
hold the passionate blindfold.
Ripped away from my eyes,
the darkness bloomed thick with your hands on my thigh.
Now the light is so bright,
consuming my mind,
as some new face constitutes 'my love for all time'.
---
Fingers touching tips like lips sinking ships.
We make bliss,
yes,
but only enough to keep our boat from doing flips.
Shit.
I thought you told me this home would feel like new forever.
Never did you mention broken doors and stormy weather.
Better than a no one ever,
sorry for the hardship but your words aren't really clever.
Every joke gets worse like written in a bad company,
as if your idea of humor is truly just making fun of me.
Ruining the lady that you once consumed like that drug you used to abuse to escape your living tomb, pruned, pale and stuck in some cartoon.
Vague eyes,
never once sparked with my matches.
---
Bah, this is getting too difficult for words. BAHAH-I don't properly use words anyway I should just give up.
poised neat and tidy for the critiques.
Bat an eyelash, finger nails polished, wing tips,
glossy lips,
lush shadow up on the eyelids.
It takes twenty minutes,
but it's worth the stares from the blind kids.
Winding up their throwing arm to try and hit the targets.
Harshness,
it took me too damn long to feel this good.
To take the notch up to 'suburban' white girl,
rather than one that's from the hood.
Keep your compliments to yourself,
please,
I've got enough self wealth to make the margin,
of the hardened mommy baby making martians.
Tarnished women looking for a one bedroom apartment.
Because men went shopping for a gal but in the wrong department.
Fuck you,
yeah I'm not the girl you used to drool over,
creating a pool of pathetic around your four leaf clover.
Seems like everyone wants to tell me how the fuck I'm s'posed to be,
but I'm free, and my happiness is all you get to see.
---
A message written in sore sympathy,
a mystery within the dusted pages of our history.
Jump high, stoop low,
hold the passionate blindfold.
Ripped away from my eyes,
the darkness bloomed thick with your hands on my thigh.
Now the light is so bright,
consuming my mind,
as some new face constitutes 'my love for all time'.
---
Fingers touching tips like lips sinking ships.
We make bliss,
yes,
but only enough to keep our boat from doing flips.
Shit.
I thought you told me this home would feel like new forever.
Never did you mention broken doors and stormy weather.
Better than a no one ever,
sorry for the hardship but your words aren't really clever.
Every joke gets worse like written in a bad company,
as if your idea of humor is truly just making fun of me.
Ruining the lady that you once consumed like that drug you used to abuse to escape your living tomb, pruned, pale and stuck in some cartoon.
Vague eyes,
never once sparked with my matches.
---
Bah, this is getting too difficult for words. BAHAH-I don't properly use words anyway I should just give up.
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